To Write or Not To Write

First I want to offer my sincere apologies. My goal in quarantine was to share the positive insights I was gaining as I went along. Then out of nowhere, the dark hit. Not out of nowhere precisely, because there are always precursors, but it felt like it went at the speed of dusk. The watercolor sunset I had been viewing donned a pitch-colored robe replete with clouds that blocked the flashes of light from twinkling stars. But that’s how it goes with depression, right?

Where did the watercolors go?

Our lives are shining beams on the good days, that others can warm themselves by. Because of the sharp contrasts, we’re able to witness it all more vividly than someone whose brain rides that glorious, sought-after happy medium. Being able to witness all the tiny nuances also makes it easier for us to describe the landscape to the residents of Pleasantville. We know their sunny days at seventy-two degrees Fahrenheit, so we can relate to them. They, however are blissfully unaware of the storms, the droughts, or the days that the sun shines so brightly that sunglasses aren’t ample protection.

By wanting to only be a light-bringer in these uncertain times, I was doing myself and anyone reading this a disservice. I was setting an unattainable goal not only just for me, but for anyone on the journey of depression. By sitting quietly in the dark and not sharing, others are left alone in that darkness. Some left to ponder if their medications were no longer working, or in the worst cases…people thinking they were doing something wrong by not being able to overcome their dark as easily as others.

So I’ve been battling internally with the decision whether to only share light for those in need, or if I go the “warts and all” approach of sharing the whole picture without the gloss-coating that reflects those amber beams of warmth to the hearts of others. Is light the only need in darkness? Or does truth hold a higher importance in the world?

Looking for direction

Rather than bore, trigger, or upset anyone (and in all honesty, to get myself off the dang hamster wheel of thought) I’ve decided to put the question to anyone who is generous enough with their time to read these. Do you want the whole picture, or do you just need to be lifted up right now? Please be honest with your answer, because I’ve personally decided that I need to write and process, so the only way your decision affects me is when it comes to making my thoughts public by hitting the “publish” button.

You can comment here or on the tweet with the link attached. I appreciate your consideration and as always…I hope you and yours are safe, happy, and healthy.


Published by Jen B. @JenBennsJourney

Full time housewife, mom, & grandma. Learning to manage depression and anxiety by talking about them and other things along the path.

14 thoughts on “To Write or Not To Write

  1. I appreciate you’re ability to write with such sensations. Leaving 1 know that all people are not as society deems you should be feel or act. Thank u for putting into words the way many of us feel on a daily.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I like my Jen at full strength. The whole deal. That’s totally up to you. I’d listen to you read a phone book and love it. Much love, The oddly quiet 🧚‍♀️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Read the next one.The Aries is in full flame on mode and I’m struggling to find an extinguisher. Some yutz probably has them stacked in a pile in his garage alongside all of the TP and hand sanitizer.😉


  3. by sharing your true self it makes people like myself fall in love with you more. Nobody has entirely good or bad days. I think this shines a light on most of us now. Anyone who hasn’t had a moment of darkness during this is a person whom we do not really know. I love all parts of your personality and by being brave enough to share this you help many others whom experience these feelings. You are a true blessing always know that. I feel honored to call you my friend, the word wizard

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jen, you have a very unique way of looking at life and being able to write about it. I look forward to reading this or any blog you write. I believe everyone has some sort of depression. Some very small amount and some in the middle and many over the top. Those few that think they live with rose colored glasses at sometime will learn what others go through. Are the rose glasses a cover for what lies beneath? A few actually do live life without a moment of sadness. They should feel blessed! I am one of those that try to put that smile on so as not to upset others. Deep down the traumatic stress I went through can sometimes be unbearable. What is going on now is the real world. Some of us will be able to handle what is going on and many that can’t. The key is to reach out to someone sometimes anyone that can talk you through.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m getting better about reaching out. I modeled my mother’s ways, as she did hers. Let’s just say that stoic 1st gen Norwegian immigrants aren’t the optimal source for learning how to ask for help. Day by day, I learn and get better, and try and pass it along. Hopefully I can save one or two people from getting a flat forehead like mine from banging their heads against walls.😉


  5. I appreciate all of you. No one can be all light and truthfully, without shades, hues, and shadows there’s no depth. You’re far more than a one dimensional being and I love when you share it all (“mention it all!!!”) for instance I LOVE this post!!! 💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Life’s not all sunshine and roses and we owe it to no one to pretend it is. I get sick of reality deniers who get irritated when people are being real about their emotions. This as real as sh*t gets. People are dying. People are out of work. People are separated. People are scared. To deny that is to be a duplicitous a-hole. You should be yourself. It’s not your role to be the world’s shrink or cheerleader. Do you, boo. We will get through it together. But only by alternating supporting or being supported.

    Your call whether to share. I’ll read whatever you write. But you can always talk to me, because I’m just like you.

    I don’t write about my depression anymore, because when I’m in that state, opening myself too wide lets my energy leak away. But you should decide for yourself and it has nothing to do with your readers. They get to select what they want to read…in this case, I feel that it’s about the writer and what she needs.

    Hang in there, kid. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my friend. I always tread with an abundance of caution, and it doesn’t always serve me. I’m still writing for myself and have a piece completed.

      If nothing else this post is a bit of a heads up for people who are in need of a trigger warning. And just like you said, this is real. I’ve been authentic up to this point and see no benefit in changing. 💗


  7. I think the whole picture is the real picture, and I for one appreciate the real Jenn. I dont believe any of us can honestly say we are handling this as well as we wanna pretend we are. I have bad days and I have good days. On the bad days, I stay off twitter because I promised I would never leave twitter without having made someone smile. On the good days, Im a manic Chatty Cathy. Whoever I am on whatever that day – love me or leave me – it is who I am. This is how I see you, and this is what comes through in your writings and sharing of self – be true or you arent you, and I appreciate the person that is you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love you to bits for that, Darbs. How you feel about Twitter is what I intended for here. I wanted to be an oasis of light. Finding now that I was taking it a bit too literally. Enlightenment can come from dark as well. 💗


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